


i was praying that you and me might end up together

by thegreenfairy246



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: castiel and dean's relationship over the years from cas's perspective.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 23





	i was praying that you and me might end up together

**Author's Note:**

> this is definitely not canon compliant. i wanted cas to go through less pain🤷🏻

Dean Winchester's soul is the brightest Castiel has ever seen. Through all the pain in his life, it's still shining, still good. There's a flicker of something deep in his chest as he stitches the Righteous Man back together, he's not sure what. 

When he's finished, the eldest Winchester safely back on Earth, he keeps his distance. His mission is only to put him back together. He's done what he was sent to do; Dean Winchester is saved.

\----

Castiel hurts. It's the only name he can give to this feeling. He can see the heartbreak in Dean's eyes after he heals him. He's not sure why he's alive, what his purpose is now, but he knows that this is where he should be.

He watches Dean drive away, heading for Lisa and a regular life. There's a nagging tug somewhere behind his ribs. He's almost sure it's longing, but for what?

\----

Dean's voice pierces through his thoughts. "Cas, you got your ears on?" 

The phrase is silly, really. Castiel can hear Dean when he's not even trying. He can still see feel his soul. The traces left on his fingertips all these years later. He'd be able to pick him out in the dark. Something about the way Dean says it makes Castiel smile. 

Next comes, "We could really use your help." 

Of course Castiel will go. He always does.

\----

Castiel is in love with Dean. The realization is still rolling over him when Dean asks him to erase Lisa's memories. In fact, it's from watching Dean with Lisa that he learns the name for his feelings. Watching him with Lisa is like looking in a mirror. He knows the way she looks at Dean is the same expression on his own face most days. 

But, he can also see Dean is in pain. So he does what he's asked. Hopes he's taking some of Dean's hurt away, but he has the suspicion he's making it worse. 

Later, alone again, Castiel holes himself up in a motel room. 

Sometimes, on nights like this, he wishes he was human. He craves the easy escape of sleep. Instead, he spends his night thinking of a life, a soft, quiet life, with Dean that he will never have. He's doomed to this existence full of blood, fear, and loneliness. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to accept it.

\----

"Why does that something always seem to be you?" 

Cas is still replaying the conversation, even all these hours later. The look in Dean's eyes won't leave him alone, like Cas really wouldn't be forgiven this time. Cas had told him it was time for him to move on. He's sure Dean didn't understand what he'd meant, but maybe that didn't matter. With enough time away, he could forget about his feeling for Dean.

Even he knew that was a lie. But he had millenia left to try. 

\----

Cas truly had no intention of seeing Dean again. He's been gone three weeks now, three of the worst weeks in his very long life. One day, he gets a call from Sam that ruins his plan. 

"Cas? I know you and Dean had a…you guys are having a bad time right now. But, he's hurt."

"How bad?"

"It's bad, Cas. We were on a werewolf hunt, but…I don't even know what happened. There were so many of them…" Sam trails off. 

Cas sighs, immediately knows he'll help, whatever it costs him. "Where are you?"

Sam clears his throat. "I got him back to the bunker."

"I'll be there soon."

\----

Cas heals Dean easily. It's going to take Dean some time to be up and walking around. Cas is hoping to slip out while he's still asleep, maybe he won't even know he's here.

When he hears heavy footsteps behind him, he knows he's too late.

"Hey, Cas."

Cas steels himself, and turns to face him.

"Hello, Dean."

He shifts his weight. "Thanks. For uh…"

"Of course."

Silence falls over them, and for a moment Cas thinks he can just go. Maybe they won't have to talk about their fight.

Suddenly, Dean says, "Are we okay?"

"We're fine, Dean." Cas lies.

Dean chuckles darkly. "I know that's not the truth."

"Dean…we really don't need to do this."

Dean nods fervently. "Yes we do. Cas you gotta understand. I said those things to you…I was a mess. I was still so angry about Mom and everything with Chuck. I took my anger out on you. That was wrong. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Dean. I understand."

"Cas, please. Please stay." Dean runs a hand through his hair, takes a ragged breath before he continues. "You know I'm not good at feelings. But, me and you…" Dean chuckles. "C'mon, man. You gotta know."

Cas feels a spark of hope light in his chest. He ignores it completely, not ready to be completely crushed if this conversation goes another way.

"Know what, Dean?"

Dean keeps his eyes locked on Cas's. "How I feel about you."

The spark is growing into a fire, but Cas still needs to hear Dean say it. He needs it to be out in the world, not just in his head. He can't risk misinterpreting this.

Cas tilts his head to the side. "How do you feel, Dean?"

Dean looks at his for a long moment, seeming to consider something. Then, he's crossing the room to stand in front of Cas. 

His voice is a whisper when he says, "I'm in love with you." 

His lips are on Cas's after that. Cas has watched Dean's movies, even the rom-coms he so adamantly denies enjoying. He remembers hearing characters say their knees went weak. The expression has never made much sense to him. Truthfully, he doesn't have much experience to go on, and the experience he has hasn't been particularly knee weakening. But this…this is something much different. Dean's lips move against his own, and he can feel Dean's scruff against his cheek. If not for Dean's strong arm snaking around his waist, he's sure his knees would go out from under him. 

When Dean pulls away to take a breath, Cas murmurs against his lips. "I love you too."

Dean's grin sets something right inside Castiel. "Yeah?" He presses another quick kiss to his mouth. "That mean you'll stay? With me?"

"As long as you want me."

Dean chuckles. "Don't you know by now? I want you forever."

Castiel smiles, and then Dean is kissing him again. He's grateful for many things, but meeting Dean Winchester is at the top of the list.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thank y'all for reading! if you liked it, you can follow me on tumblr @scoobydean


End file.
